Boy, have I been slacking in life since I discovered Reddit a month ago. I have a srs problem. I understand it, too, but that hasn’t helped me break it. It’s the ultimate high for me, since I get social interaction, praise, and positive feedback on my ideas in an environment that doesn’t carry the social obligations that usually go hand-in-hand with those things. No one’s expecting me to leave my house, no one needs me to stop doing other things, no one’s even expecting me to show up! I just do and get gratification for that, or I can just sit here here and say nothing and no one will care either. Meanwhile, I’m sort of hiding out from my “real” blog, which has a more significant number of followers (who have expectations about the type of content I’ll post) and therefore pressure to post. I don’t feel pressure to post here, since I make no secret of the fact that it’s basically just a brain dump space, and I can be super boring or super annoying or whatever, because I have designated it as the acceptable receptacle for that stuff. But pretty much anywhere else, just the fact of my existence (twitter, facebook, and these are still just virtual spaces) creates a presence that becomes a noticeable void should I absent myself for any length of time.
Blah blah blah. Meanwhile, there are so many thoughts in my head. The pressure to organize them, categorize and filter and order and prioritize and research and present them, that pressure just prevents me from sharing them. And they get super bottled up, and I feel restless and anxious and depressed. Hence, again, Reddit. I can just blurt them out in small segments, in response to particular prompts, rather than having to know everything in advance and have prepared it all logically. I guess I much prefer a dialogue to a monologue, when you get right down to it. But I can’t let that rule me, I can’t. I have to sort out my shit and create some semblance of discipline. Lately I’m just adrift.
And my birthday is this weekend. I was okay with this, really, until today I realized I have procrastinated coming up with a birthday day plan, which means I’ll probably end up doing nothing. Which is kind of depressing even on a non-birthday. I dunno…I was kind of counting on this train ride thing working out, but the train thing isn’t happening on my birthday, so that’s out. I just came up with a few more ideas (basically either an escape room or a murder mystery dinner) but I don’t think we’ll be able to get together a group of people and organize it all in time. Also, most of those places were already basically sold out for this weekend. Still, I’ll run it by Bear. If he would ever be home. He came home super late Monday and Wednesday, and he was home on time Tuesday but he stayed up working into the wee hours. I miss my husband. When he’s gone so much, we both get preoccupied in our solo things so that even when we’re together, we’re more apart than not.
Meanwhile, I have that 10k trail run on Saturday morning. I hope it will feel sort of like a fun-birthday-weekend activity, rather than a why-the-fuck-did-I-think-this-was-a-good-birthday-weekend-idea activity. I did have my concerns which led me to putting off registering, but I’m glad I did it. I’m thinking of it this way: even if my other plans don’t work out, at least I’ll have done something noteworthy this weekend. (I just hope it doesn’t interfere with or prevent the making of social birthday plans). In other running news, I am basically on track with my half-marathon training schedule. I ran 9.5 miles on Sunday, took a break Monday, ran ~5 miles Tuesday, and yesterday I did ~25 minutes of HIIT with weights followed by a quick 1.2 mile run while holding/ lifting 3lb weights in each hand. I actually am a bit sore today. Ran 5 miles again today, and I’ll take tomorrow off. Also, of note!! I have begun dynamic stretching/ warm-ups before my runs, because Teh Internets Has INFORMATION. I know, I was totally amazed. (Like, I gave up stretching long ago out of laziness and the revelation that static stretching wasn’t really good, but primarily out of laziness, and since then I have just tried to walk some before running. I know. Horrible.) I decided to stop pretending that not-stretching was an acceptable thing, and start remembering that finding out what most runners do to warm up would be SUPER EASY TO FIND OUT since the internet is a thing. One quick google search later, and I had an abundance of answers. I have to say, I think it’s helping.
Anyway, I guess I should get to the list. The huge list wasn’t working out for me lately, so I’m just going to list some basic things under the cut, and hope I do them. If I magically happen to accomplish some other things too, I’ll add them in (in triumph) later.
feed Cadenzawalk Cosmorun 5 mileslook into birthday plansfix the doorknob on the front doorcall back the roofing guys(left a message; might consider sending an email too)- work on resume
- bwi thing…..I hate myself
- also PCO email…I hate myself
- and think about/ write blog post to go on my official site
pinkish ruminations 