Words

Since the Thing happened last Tuesday, I have gone through a huge host of emotions, none of them positive. While the processing will continue, I’m sure, for years, I’ve also been have many thoughts. A seemingly-unending stream of thoughts related to “How did this happen?,” “What can we do?,” “What is my role?,” and “What is it that people don’t get??” I’ve been talking to people, reading articles, listening to podcasts and NPR, and observing (and occasionally partaking in) Facebook arguments. All of these sources have posed important questions and points of reflection. Inevitably, there is much work to be done. I am going to try to address these things in writing. Whether I do it here, or on my Reflections blog, or on my official blog, I’m not sure yet. I foretell I will write a bit in each space. And while I relish the opportunity, I also am afraid. Because words and ideas have a tendency to whip me into a frenzy, but even as I articulate them, I feel a sense of powerlessless. I believe, whole-heartedly, that the articulation of ideas is the most powerful force in the world, and that it was the mishandling of words that has led us to this moment in history; and yet, there is the problem of finding an audience. I have heard so many well-articulated arguments, but if the right people aren’t listening, if the conditions for reception are not right, then those words are wasted. And I am afraid that my words, my effort, my fear and rage and disgust and outrage, are just another drop of sound in a vacuum.So I have held myself back so far, compiling a list in my head of topics to address, but staying silent. But I need to be brave, and I need to be smart. I need to find a way to amplify my ideas, or the ideas of other smart people. Meanwhile, I want to keep my list of topics, so they don’t continue to slip from my mind forever.

Continue reading “Words”

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The daily to-do: Tuesday November 1

Today is grey. Grey and wet and I feel weird. Both hungry and full, tired and restless. Generally speaking, I’m glad that, unlike yesterday, I don’t have anything pressing to attend to today, but I also feel like I should be attending to something. I feel bored and longing for input, but I don’t feel like doing anything. To try to force this feeling away, I’m again going to paste my weekly list and I am going to try to accomplish something on it just now. And if I can’t, then maybe at least looking at it will have an effect. Also, there’s the daily list to attend to…it’s these things that I’m particularly unmotivated for, but after having a look at my weekly list, I’m going to go on a long walk.

I dunno, maybe I’m just lonely today and want Bear here. Maybe nothing will feel right without Bear. But hey, it’s already close to  2pm which means I’ve squandered much of today which means I’m closer to the end of the day, and seeing Bear again, than it seems. Yay?

edit: I did a long walk with Cosmo, and we went by that Trump sign that bothers Bear so much. I had Cosmo pee on it. I took a photo of him peeing. I posted the photo on Facebook. Yes, I am proud of myself.

Continue reading “The daily to-do: Tuesday November 1”

The daily to-do: Wednesday October 26

WELL! I have been really bad at keeping up-to-date here, but I felt like posting this morning because I have been pretty productive. Yesterday I worked on resumes and applied to two jobs. I am pretty pleased with the state of my resume(s), and this has given me the confidence to apply to more jobs. I applied to like 7 more this morning. Perhaps nothing will come of them, but I have had such trouble taking even that step lately (maybe always). So, I’m feeling pretty good.

I am not feeling good about my body. I am sure that I have put on several pounds, and I’m scared to weigh myself. Probably I put on like 7 pounds, and I really hate the feeling. I’ve been bothered by this, but not enough to really do anything about it, for a few months now. It’s been a slow gain, peppered by periods of loss, but overall a steady gain. After I ran the half marathon 10 days ago, I was feeling pretty good, like that could be the point of turnaround, but I took several days off running for recovery, and I kind of “celebrated” my success a bit too much. Then a few days after I started running again, I took that really bad fall, which forced me to not run, or even walk much. And I haven’t been able to do weights because of my mystery wrist sprain. And yet I let myself binge on chocolate and candy over the weekend. I can really see the results. 😛 Well, I am committing to eating better now. I should probably weigh myself and hold myself accountable for weight loss, but I don’t think I can bear to see 125 pounds on the scale, so for now I will wait and hope to lose a bit first. I am feeling physically well, so today I will run, and maybe even use some weights.

Now I’m just going to make my list, since my head’s all over the place and I don’t even know what I’m meant to be doing.  Continue reading “The daily to-do: Wednesday October 26”

The daily to-do: Tuesday October 18

Ahh it’s been a long time. I have been somewhat busy, but eschewing the blogging, for one reason or another. I don’t even remember what was happening the last time I updated. Oh. Okay, I just went back to see when I last posted and I see maaany things have happened since then: the Trump tapes thing came out, Bear and I went to Geek Girl Con, and I ran my first half marathon! That was last Sunday, and I’m still recovering. Didn’t run yesterday, not sure if I should run today or not. I came in 17th place overall out of 92 starts! I was 6th in females, and 3rd in my AG. It was a trail run, and the hills and terrain were difficult and treacherous. I probably should have done a regular road race as my first half, but oh well! It was super fun. My time was 1:55:02 which is a pace of 8:46 per mile. I am actually super proud of myself. 😀

Meanwhile, I’m hosting a neighborhood canvassing event this weekend…not exactly looking forward to it, but it’s a duty. Gonna go ahead and make the list now, since a bunch of random things are floating in through my head.  Continue reading “The daily to-do: Tuesday October 18”

The daily to-do: Tuesday October 4

Today is International Wrongful Conviction Day. I find this article by Amanda Knox to be a useful resource. In other news, tonight is the Vice Presidential debate. I would like to finish my blog on the platforms sometime today, and send a link out with a reminder to my precinct to watch the debates, but probably that won’t happen.

This is the sort of post I make when I’ve had NPR on all day, as I have today. I like NPR, but sometimes I wish they would take more of a stand. They interviewed this woman this morning who was “undecided” about Trump, and waiting to hear more from him. Like, what more can you possibly learn that hasn’t already been revealed?? We have longstanding documentation that he is a racist, a misogynist, a narcissist, an incompetent businessman, a liar, a manipulator, a schemer, and a world-class idiot. Every time he opens his mouth he proves he doesn’t think. He has no fucking platform, no clear position on issues. He’s a joke, and serious people know he’s a joke. But then you have fucking NPR lending legitimacy to his campaign, and to the uninformed mouth-breathers who “like his attitude,” by not calling them out on their obvious lack of basic understanding. We get this from the cable news channels, who are afraid of (still) being labeled “leftist” (laughable), but I expect more from NPR. It’s not leftist liberal bias to point out facts. It’s called honest reporting. 

Fucking anyway.

Cosmo’s sitting here waiting for me to take him on his walk. It’s gloomy out, and probably going to rain at any moment. I’m just procrastinating today. I need to walk him and run, and I should have done it all already, so I can get back to working on my projects, but I’m having a hard time finding the enthusiasm to just start. Anyway. I’ve done a few random things already, and I feel like there’s one more errand-like thing I had to do today, but I can’t remember now what it was. >.<

Aw crap, now it is raining.  Continue reading “The daily to-do: Tuesday October 4”